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Sunday, February 08, 2004
Evident by my last post, there is nothing that squashes your ability to update like promising you'll write something tomorrow. If you keep this stifling muse long enough, sooner or later, you'll resort to writing things like: "My day was so busy today. I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Me so fat. LoLz ^_^" Which really just goes to show there's nothing quite like expressing how creative you are by typing in pink.I wrote a very business-like email to my boss, Ms. Neely, about my hourly rate. We volleyed back and forth a few messages and we came to a successful conclusion. When her last email came in, I noticed her subject title read: "Re: To Ms. Needy." On an unrelated note, my boss is single. For four straight messages, the subject title had been "To Ms. Needy." I'm just hoping that a) she's not very sensitive, and b) she's not very observant. Of course, what with our principal tasks being the proofreading for spelling mistakes in the Mannes concert programs, I can't imagine such a prominently displayed Freudian slip going undetected for too long. You'll be happy to know that I have resolved to bury my head in my cubicle for a month until it blows over. 8W - The Introspective It has come to my attention that the cello simply isn't getting me the ladies. A part of me thinks that it's because girls get jealous of my instrument's ample curves and the privileged position it has when I'm playing it. Maybe giving off the "he's obviously happy alone" impression. Another part of me wonders whether it's the rapping that doesn't get the ladies -- because, let's face it: Rappers are ugly. You can't name one good-looking rapper because they, on principle, must be ugly. You see, I think what makes something impressive to girls is whether there are enough attractive role models in that industry. Afterall, the most famous role models are ultimately those that, like it or not, dictate what the layman will think of that particular profession. (This statement doesn't apply to common jobs, because, in that case, it's a certain majority in your circle that defines what you think of that profession.) For instance, the most famous cellist in the world is Yo-Yo Ma, and you just have to admit that he's not a chick magnet. I simply cannot get over how big his glasses are. They're like aviators, but definitely not as cool. Some of you who know of my teacher, Antonio Lysy, might counter with the notion that some ladies swoon over him. I stress that this is because he is Italian, has an accent and pretty good hair. An immediate rapper that comes to mind is Jay-Z. Jay-Z is, by and large, regarded as one of the ugliest men ever. He always has this clueless look that I find remarkably similar to the clouded eyes of Westside Market's iced Atlantic cod. His lips take up 80% of his face. Ep and I often gloss over his albums and marvel at just how unattractive he is. And Jay still has the plucky nerve to say, "Girls look at me and say, 'Shoot he's so handsome.'" To date, this is the most blatant lie ever recorded. I'm inclined to think that there are some professions that aren't really impressive. To illustrate, when getting into a bar fight, telling your opponent that you're a kung fu instructor might shake them up a little bit; somehow, mentioning how good you are at the flute works against you. This is because kung fu instructors are fit and do manly and intelligent things like chop at planks of wood. Flute players are never very threatening. They get beaten up because they insist on being called 'flautists' -- thinking the cultured 'a' gives them an edge. An edge of a chair, maybe. Finally, yet another part of me wonders if I'm not getting the ladies because I walked around all day yesterday not knowing that I had a piece of meat stuck on my face. I think it was mild sausage from my lunchtime pizza. I'm not quite sure how this happened. But I blame it on Yo-Yo Ma and Jay-Z. 
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